For far too long when I read the pages of Scripture and encountered the faith of the martyrs, I glossed over the sacrifice, my eyes accustomed to the story. John the Baptist was killed to satisfy a woman's bitterness at his insistence to preach the truth. Stephen was stoned while praying for those who hurled the rocks. Paul was beaten and left for dead, yet got up and preached again, and again, and again...only to be beheaded.
I could appreciate the courage of their faith, but rarely stopped to empathize, to put myself in their sandals that traveled to take the gospel to one more people group, one more person in need of the truth.
My inability to empathize ended the day I met a man who is now a dear friend of our family's. That same friend is tying on the disciple's sandals and embarking once again on a journey to a nation hostile to the name of Jesus. The danger is real, and it is intense.
This friend will never have his name in lights. He can't even have a Facebook account. It's too dangerous to associate his name with the believers he helps or even the country he travels to.
He will never be wealthy. Every penny he brings in goes to sustain believers who will never know the extravagance that was at my dinner table this evening. The "sandals" he will wear throughout his months long trip are the same pair he has worn for five years, pieced together time and again with glue.
When he embraces his family and steps on the plane this week, he will do so with the knowledge he might never see their faces again. If he is caught preaching the name of Jesus, his wife and children could spend the rest of their lives not knowing how it ended.
And I am humbled by this man, who without fame or fortune, could be called "the least of these," yet is one of the greatest men I have ever known.
I am sobered to know it could be my son who steps on a plane one day, if the Lord calls his name.
And I am grateful that if my son receives that kind of call, he will not only have the heroes in Scripture as an example, but he will have another set of footprints to follow. Footprints left by a man who counted it all joy and followed his Jesus, no matter the cost.
Author's Note: Are you wondering what you can do, in the here and in the now? Spend a moment praying for this man and all the nameless and faceless others who suffer for the name of Jesus. Pray that the Holy Spirit ministers fresh grace, peace, and courage to their hearts. Pray that their sufferings will reap great rewards in the Kingdom. And pray if you are ever in their "sandals," you will follow in the same courage they show to their King day after day.
Impossible?
Monday, February 20, 2012
The most beautiful experiences of my life have involved the impossible being brought into existence.
It was impossible for a girl who came from a broken home to grow up to have a healthy marriage, but she does.
It was impossible for my heart to be freed from self-consciousness and embrace the beauty of who God made me to be, but it has.
It was impossible for my body to function normally after years of suffering disease, but it does.
It was impoossible for that person in my life to become a follower of Jesus, but they are.
It was impossible for four children to live lives that are such exquisite examples of the goodness of God, but they do.
It was impossible for a tiny church in the deserts of West Texas to grow into an oasis of life and love, but it is.
So, how could I ever doubt His power or question His faithfulness? For He has taken the broken things and mended them. He has taken the lifeless things and breathed upon them. And He has taken the impossibilities and made them realities.
"Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” - Matthew 19:26
I choose to remember this the next time I see an impossibility rise up in my life. It, too, must bow to His goodness.
It was impossible for a girl who came from a broken home to grow up to have a healthy marriage, but she does.
It was impossible for my heart to be freed from self-consciousness and embrace the beauty of who God made me to be, but it has.
It was impossible for my body to function normally after years of suffering disease, but it does.
It was impoossible for that person in my life to become a follower of Jesus, but they are.
It was impossible for four children to live lives that are such exquisite examples of the goodness of God, but they do.
It was impossible for a tiny church in the deserts of West Texas to grow into an oasis of life and love, but it is.
So, how could I ever doubt His power or question His faithfulness? For He has taken the broken things and mended them. He has taken the lifeless things and breathed upon them. And He has taken the impossibilities and made them realities.
"Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” - Matthew 19:26
I choose to remember this the next time I see an impossibility rise up in my life. It, too, must bow to His goodness.
Creating the Love Spark, Day 14
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Author's Note: This is the last day of the "Creating the Love Spark" series. May the Lord bless you and fan the flame of love in your marriage.
We married young. And I've never regretted it.
But, there have been times I've wished I could visit that nineteen year old girl who was about to drive away on her honeymoon with her twenty-one year old groom and share a few things she needed to know. And if I could pull her aside and look into her eyes glistening with excitement for the road ahead, I would whisper these words.
I would tell her marriage is going to be a little harder than she expects, but more worth it than she has ever dreamed.
I would tell her she is about to discover all the places in her heart where selfishness reigns, and not to be afraid of being schooled into selflessness, because her needs will get met, too.
I would tell her there will be times in her near future when she doesn't know where her next meal will come from as she and her husband make their way into the world, but not to fear lack, for He always brings the next meal.
I would tell her that true intimacy requires utter abandonment of self-consciousness, but that she will eventually gain true self-confidence in the process.
I would tell her that she will be asked to trust her husband in ways she has never thought about, but that she will learn he can hear God, too.
And I would tell her that she will feel the growing pains of the two becoming one for a long time, but that she will never want to return to being half of what she has become.
We married young. And I've never regretted it.
But, there have been times I've wished I could visit that nineteen year old girl who was about to drive away on her honeymoon with her twenty-one year old groom and share a few things she needed to know. And if I could pull her aside and look into her eyes glistening with excitement for the road ahead, I would whisper these words.
I would tell her marriage is going to be a little harder than she expects, but more worth it than she has ever dreamed.
I would tell her she is about to discover all the places in her heart where selfishness reigns, and not to be afraid of being schooled into selflessness, because her needs will get met, too.
I would tell her there will be times in her near future when she doesn't know where her next meal will come from as she and her husband make their way into the world, but not to fear lack, for He always brings the next meal.
I would tell her that true intimacy requires utter abandonment of self-consciousness, but that she will eventually gain true self-confidence in the process.
I would tell her that she will be asked to trust her husband in ways she has never thought about, but that she will learn he can hear God, too.
And I would tell her that she will feel the growing pains of the two becoming one for a long time, but that she will never want to return to being half of what she has become.
Creating the Love Spark, Day 13
Monday, February 13, 2012
I love to create. It feeds my soul. I never know when inspiration will strike, but when it does, I usually move quickly. It's an enjoyable way of life for me, a spontaneous streak in my otherwise ordered and consistent personality.
Maybe that's why it's usually a stretch for my husband. He's used to being the unpredictable one, and in this one arena of our marriage, he never knows what to expect from me.
The list of creative genius is long, but not always successful, as many of them involve paint, and everyone knows paint is always a gamble. Here are just a few:
He has somehow always intuitively known creativity is the part of me that makes me come alive. And he has not only refrained from squelching it, even when it inconveniences him, but he has nurtured it.
Every person has something deep within them that makes them who they are. Something that fulfills their soul and gives them purpose. Something God placed within them that expresses His own heart. For me, it is the desire and ability to create. And my husband's effort to recognize that, encourage it, and applaud me for it means he is a part of causing me to become who God dreamed I would be.
And isn't that the goal of marriage? To be a help-mate? To spur one another on to fulfilling every dream and plan and purpose God has for our lives?
I believe it is.
And when two people who are living the lives God intended come together as one, the finished product can't help but be a work of art.
Maybe that's why it's usually a stretch for my husband. He's used to being the unpredictable one, and in this one arena of our marriage, he never knows what to expect from me.
The list of creative genius is long, but not always successful, as many of them involve paint, and everyone knows paint is always a gamble. Here are just a few:
- There was the time I was cooped up in an ice storm with four kids for three days while he was preaching in India. He came home to a ten foot wide prayer painted across our dining room wall, all by hand, and all with eyeshadow applicator brushes. (It was all I had at home, and I couldn't risk the icy roads with the kids for something as trivial as paint brushes. And besides, that much time invested in one project ensures it will never get painted over.)
- There are the many, many times I've written dramas to illustrate his sermons, most of them requiring him to stretch out of his comfort zone and be my acting partner.
- There are, of course, the countless times he's come home to furniture being completely re-arranged in one room, or two, or three.
- There was the time I stayed up all night painting a scripture across our bathroom wall. No one will ever doubt that God heals all our diseases after a trip to the restroom at our house.
- There was the infamous time I decided to refinish our kitchen table, and it came out a horrid pepto-bismol pink. He graciously offered to buy me a new one, but supported me as I tried again and achieved a lovely farm-house red. We may be the only family in our small town sitting down to a red table to eat, but he has never once complained.
- There was the three hundred pound fireplace mantle I made him stop and barter for when I saw it standing all lovely in the midst of a house demolition, which was followed by the process of finding where it would look the best in our house, and then thinking it would look better over there...
- There was that chunk of our savings that he willingly invested into my dream of recording and producing a worship project. "All Things New" is two years old now and has been an instrument of hope in hundreds of lives.
- Then there was the brilliant idea of hauling the afore-mentioned red table to the lake shore and setting up a beautiful tablescape for our Christmas photo shoot. Man, I love that picture.
He has somehow always intuitively known creativity is the part of me that makes me come alive. And he has not only refrained from squelching it, even when it inconveniences him, but he has nurtured it.
Every person has something deep within them that makes them who they are. Something that fulfills their soul and gives them purpose. Something God placed within them that expresses His own heart. For me, it is the desire and ability to create. And my husband's effort to recognize that, encourage it, and applaud me for it means he is a part of causing me to become who God dreamed I would be.
And isn't that the goal of marriage? To be a help-mate? To spur one another on to fulfilling every dream and plan and purpose God has for our lives?
I believe it is.
And when two people who are living the lives God intended come together as one, the finished product can't help but be a work of art.
Creating the Love Spark, Day 12
Sunday, February 12, 2012
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." (I Peter 4:8)
I like the fact that it was Peter who penned those words. Of all the disciples, I believe he knew best what it meant to be loved much because he had been forgiven much. And at the end of the day, he knew it was true: love covers sin. And the reality of that kind of love caused him to be set free from his sin so that he could truly "go and sin no more."
I wonder how many marriages would find healing if husbands and wives took these words and applied them to their marriage relationships. What would it do for people not to have their sins, past and present, bullet pointed, shouted from the rooftops, and chronicled for daily remembrance? How many people would be set free from guilt and shame simply by their spouse choosing to "cover" them by forgiving quickly and refusing to play the constant blame game?
Yes, of course there is a time and place for correction. For the pointing out of blind spots. For iron sharpening iron. (Proverbs 17:27)
But, if that kind of correction doesn't stem from an attitude of honor and humility, it is not a covering love. If it does not speak with tenderness or consideration of the hidden places of the other person, it is not a covering love. And if it does not care to be gentle with genuine weakness or concern itself with prayer for restoration, it is not covering love.
There are many voices that condemn your spouse for their sin and even for their woundedness, with the loudest voice being their own. Don't let your voice join the chorus. Sing a different song, one of covering love.
I like the fact that it was Peter who penned those words. Of all the disciples, I believe he knew best what it meant to be loved much because he had been forgiven much. And at the end of the day, he knew it was true: love covers sin. And the reality of that kind of love caused him to be set free from his sin so that he could truly "go and sin no more."
I wonder how many marriages would find healing if husbands and wives took these words and applied them to their marriage relationships. What would it do for people not to have their sins, past and present, bullet pointed, shouted from the rooftops, and chronicled for daily remembrance? How many people would be set free from guilt and shame simply by their spouse choosing to "cover" them by forgiving quickly and refusing to play the constant blame game?
Yes, of course there is a time and place for correction. For the pointing out of blind spots. For iron sharpening iron. (Proverbs 17:27)
But, if that kind of correction doesn't stem from an attitude of honor and humility, it is not a covering love. If it does not speak with tenderness or consideration of the hidden places of the other person, it is not a covering love. And if it does not care to be gentle with genuine weakness or concern itself with prayer for restoration, it is not covering love.
There are many voices that condemn your spouse for their sin and even for their woundedness, with the loudest voice being their own. Don't let your voice join the chorus. Sing a different song, one of covering love.
Creating the Love Spark, Day 11
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Our culture has been sold a story. A Hollywood story. And the story we've bought tells us that love is flowers, moonlit serenades, and twenty-five women in hot tubs for one handsome bachelor. It has defined love as something we fall into, and often fall out of. It has shaped our expectations for a lifetime together to be one of roller-coaster emotions and dramatic story lines.
And the Hollywood story has been so pervasive that it has changed the way we view our own love story. It can even persuade us to believe we do not have a love story, but only a shallow imitation.
That is a dangerous lie.
The truth is that most of Hollywood's story is not a love story at all, but one of sentiment.
And if you believe its story to be truth, you will miss the true love that is around you while you chase the sentiment.
Sentiment says, "I'm attracted to you in this moment." Love says, "I'm committed to you for a lifetime."
Sentiment says, "Of all the people I've ever been with, you are the most exciting." Love says, "It doesn't matter who I've known or who I'll meet, I choose you."
Sentiment says, "You look gorgeous tonight." And sometimes love just says, "You look really tired tonight."
And the wonderful thing is that love can include sentiment. There really are times when romance is in the air and passion is blazing. But, sentiment, on its own, doesn't equal love. And if romance and passion are not fruit of something much deeper, then as soon as the sentiment fades, the bachelor feels obligated to find it again with the next woman in the hot tub.
It may be the biggest mistake a woman can make in her marriage. To expect her husband to behave as if he's the hero in a romance novel written by a woman. To be disappointed when he can not read her mind and know the exact way she's dreaming of having love expressed. To feel unloved when he fails to put his feelings for her into words scripted by a Hollywood writer. To be angry when he is simply himself, as if her heart would not break if he were to ask her to be something other than what she is.
If you want to create a love spark in your marriage, take your eyes off the mirage, and put them on the real thing. Choose to stop lusting after the sentiment, and embrace the reality of love you already have. Decide to no longer compare your story with the one that has been sold to you, and celebrate the beauty of the pages you're writing with the one who will make "happily ever after" the raw, rugged thing of beauty it was meant to be.
And the Hollywood story has been so pervasive that it has changed the way we view our own love story. It can even persuade us to believe we do not have a love story, but only a shallow imitation.
That is a dangerous lie.
The truth is that most of Hollywood's story is not a love story at all, but one of sentiment.
And if you believe its story to be truth, you will miss the true love that is around you while you chase the sentiment.
Sentiment says, "I'm attracted to you in this moment." Love says, "I'm committed to you for a lifetime."
Sentiment says, "Of all the people I've ever been with, you are the most exciting." Love says, "It doesn't matter who I've known or who I'll meet, I choose you."
Sentiment says, "You look gorgeous tonight." And sometimes love just says, "You look really tired tonight."
And the wonderful thing is that love can include sentiment. There really are times when romance is in the air and passion is blazing. But, sentiment, on its own, doesn't equal love. And if romance and passion are not fruit of something much deeper, then as soon as the sentiment fades, the bachelor feels obligated to find it again with the next woman in the hot tub.
It may be the biggest mistake a woman can make in her marriage. To expect her husband to behave as if he's the hero in a romance novel written by a woman. To be disappointed when he can not read her mind and know the exact way she's dreaming of having love expressed. To feel unloved when he fails to put his feelings for her into words scripted by a Hollywood writer. To be angry when he is simply himself, as if her heart would not break if he were to ask her to be something other than what she is.
If you want to create a love spark in your marriage, take your eyes off the mirage, and put them on the real thing. Choose to stop lusting after the sentiment, and embrace the reality of love you already have. Decide to no longer compare your story with the one that has been sold to you, and celebrate the beauty of the pages you're writing with the one who will make "happily ever after" the raw, rugged thing of beauty it was meant to be.
Creating the Love Spark, Day 10
Friday, February 10, 2012
1 Corinthians is likely the most quoted Bible passage on the topic of love, and rightly so. It clearly draws the blueprints for what love should look like. But, sometimes the power of a passage is lost in our familiarity with it.
Take a moment to read it from the Message Bible. Read it like it's the first time you've ever received God's instructions on how to love. Consider your relationship with your husband or your wife as you read. Let it shake you up. And let it move you to truly love.
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
(I Corinthinas 13:1-7, The Message Bible)
Take a moment to read it from the Message Bible. Read it like it's the first time you've ever received God's instructions on how to love. Consider your relationship with your husband or your wife as you read. Let it shake you up. And let it move you to truly love.
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
(I Corinthinas 13:1-7, The Message Bible)
Creating the Love Spark, Day 9
Thursday, February 9, 2012
My husband and I love art. We've purchased countless pieces as gifts for each other through the years and even had a couple commissioned that said exactly what we wanted to say. Our home and offices are full of works of art that have become works of heart.
It's a way to say, "I love who you are."
It's a way to say, "I see who you are becoming."
It's a way to say, "I am grateful for the gift of you."
What gift do you give that speaks those things to your spouse? It doesn't have to be art, it could be anything that will communicate your heart to the one you love most.
And whatever work, time, or money it takes to speak the language of love is completely worth it. It is, after all, the only language worth speaking.
It's a way to say, "I love who you are."
It's a way to say, "I see who you are becoming."
It's a way to say, "I am grateful for the gift of you."
What gift do you give that speaks those things to your spouse? It doesn't have to be art, it could be anything that will communicate your heart to the one you love most.
And whatever work, time, or money it takes to speak the language of love is completely worth it. It is, after all, the only language worth speaking.
Creating the Love Spark, Day 8
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
I love to people watch. I especially love to couple watch. My husband laughs at me sometimes when we're in a restaurant and he catches my eyes roving the room. He usually asks, "What do you see?"
Sometimes I tell him, sometimes I just smile and return to gazing into his eyes instead.
But, I've seen a lot. I've seen couples who are in love. I've seen couples who are angry. I've seen newlywed excitement. I've seen middle-age apathy.
My favorite thing to see are the elderly couples who still have something to say each other. It's even better when they laugh together.
This is what I have set before me as my marriage's life goal. To still have something to say when we're ninety. To still laugh.
And I've realized I get there by gazing into his eyes today. Speaking my heart today. Laughing with him today.
What a beautiful way to grow old.
Sometimes I tell him, sometimes I just smile and return to gazing into his eyes instead.
But, I've seen a lot. I've seen couples who are in love. I've seen couples who are angry. I've seen newlywed excitement. I've seen middle-age apathy.
My favorite thing to see are the elderly couples who still have something to say each other. It's even better when they laugh together.
This is what I have set before me as my marriage's life goal. To still have something to say when we're ninety. To still laugh.
And I've realized I get there by gazing into his eyes today. Speaking my heart today. Laughing with him today.
What a beautiful way to grow old.
Creating the Love Spark, Day 7
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
I lead worship at our church. It's an amazing privilege because there is nothing more beautiful than seeing believers enter into the presence of the Lord. And music is a doorway for that. I believe it's because God created music to bypass the brain and go straight to the heart. There is truly no other medium as effective as music to capture the soul. The moment a strain of music is heard, it has the power to literally change a person's mood--for good, or for bad. But, it was created for good. To move us into a love exchange with Jesus, the lover of our soul.
Music can also be harnessed to move us into a love exchange with our spouse. Unfortunately, it could also be used to focus on the negative things in a relationship. We have a choice and an opportunity to use it for the good of our marriages.
Make a playlist of the songs that make you walk down memory lane. The songs that make you close your eyes and remember what he looked like when he asked you out the first time. The songs that make you remember the tough season and the way you got through it together. The songs that cause gratefulness for the beauty of your life to rise up with you.
My playlist is called "Vintage Love." Even the name inspires me to remember.
So, the next time you're feeling aggravated or upset with your spouse, don't turn the dial to the "he's done me wrong" station. Play your own music. And dance to the beat of your own drum. Let the cadence of your own lyrics remind you why you loved in the first place.
Music can also be harnessed to move us into a love exchange with our spouse. Unfortunately, it could also be used to focus on the negative things in a relationship. We have a choice and an opportunity to use it for the good of our marriages.
Make a playlist of the songs that make you walk down memory lane. The songs that make you close your eyes and remember what he looked like when he asked you out the first time. The songs that make you remember the tough season and the way you got through it together. The songs that cause gratefulness for the beauty of your life to rise up with you.
My playlist is called "Vintage Love." Even the name inspires me to remember.
So, the next time you're feeling aggravated or upset with your spouse, don't turn the dial to the "he's done me wrong" station. Play your own music. And dance to the beat of your own drum. Let the cadence of your own lyrics remind you why you loved in the first place.
Creating the Love Spark, Day 6
Monday, February 6, 2012
We have a lot of traditions in our marriage. Most of them we have kept now for years and years, so that they are worn and comfortable, a security blanket of our affection for each other.
We have a tradition for a Christmas gift exchange, a tradition for Valentine's Day, and a tradition for when we are apart from each other on mission trips. We once even had a tradition for celebrating the day we found out what gender our babies were--got to do that one four times!
We have a few more, too. And I could list them here. But, wouldn't it be better to dream up your own? What is important to you? What do you laugh together about? What moves you both?
Answer those questions for yourself and start a tradition that centers around one (or more!) or them. It will come from your heart and it will wrap the security blanket of affection around your spouse. And that's a beautifully warm gift.
We have a tradition for a Christmas gift exchange, a tradition for Valentine's Day, and a tradition for when we are apart from each other on mission trips. We once even had a tradition for celebrating the day we found out what gender our babies were--got to do that one four times!
We have a few more, too. And I could list them here. But, wouldn't it be better to dream up your own? What is important to you? What do you laugh together about? What moves you both?
Answer those questions for yourself and start a tradition that centers around one (or more!) or them. It will come from your heart and it will wrap the security blanket of affection around your spouse. And that's a beautifully warm gift.
Creating the Love Spark, Day 5
Sunday, February 5, 2012
When we first got married, we worked in at an orphanage. That meant that our first home was an apartment inside a mansion, complete with kids roaming the halls and a cafeteria. Our bedroom actually opened into a "public" hallway and had no locks when we moved in, something my husband made his first "handyman" job for his new bride.
We learned pretty early on from this experience the importance of home being a sanctuary. Especially the bedroom.
It should be a place where peace reigns.
Here are the things we've done to make sure it stays that way:
We learned pretty early on from this experience the importance of home being a sanctuary. Especially the bedroom.
It should be a place where peace reigns.
Here are the things we've done to make sure it stays that way:
- Our wedding photos are displayed there.
- Our favorite picture of the two of us is over the bed, a reminder of the joy we find in each other.
- There has never been a TV in our bedroom, and there never will be.
- There is a good lock on our door, and the children have been taught to knock when it's closed.
- We spent quite a bit of money on our bed linens. They needed to be fit for a king and queen.
- Throughout the years, we have from time to time, posted a promise from the Lord or a Scripture we were praying over our family on the wall. We need reminders of what He says about us.
- A basket of our letters to each other sits in the corner, off-limits from the kids. It's always waiting if we need a reminder of how the other person really feels about us.
Creating the Love Spark, Day 4
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Creative dating is something young couples usually do, but married couples often forget about. While it's a nice treat, dinner and a movie can become the old stand-by that fails to communicate the excitement that still lies within your heart for your spouse.
Our creative dates used to stem from the fact that we had no money. Now, they don't occur out of budget necessity, but rather from the need to say, "I still think you're worth my time and creative energy."
Even if you're not by nature an overly creative person, you can still invest thought, research, and effort into your dates with your spouse. It's helpful to remember you don't have to re-invent the wheel, you just have to drive the car. Log on to this site for some inspiration.
Our creative dates used to stem from the fact that we had no money. Now, they don't occur out of budget necessity, but rather from the need to say, "I still think you're worth my time and creative energy."
Even if you're not by nature an overly creative person, you can still invest thought, research, and effort into your dates with your spouse. It's helpful to remember you don't have to re-invent the wheel, you just have to drive the car. Log on to this site for some inspiration.
Creating the Love Spark, Day 3
Friday, February 3, 2012
My husband feels most loved by me when I am successful in communicating my deep respect for him. I have learned through fifteen years of marriage that I can damage that communication of respect, or I can build on it.
Here are the ways I have learned to build on it:
Here are the ways I have learned to build on it:
- Affirm him with gratitude when he meets an emotional need of mine. I stopped by his office this morning to thank him with a kiss when I saw that he had filled my car up with gas. It's a silly thing to some, maybe, but it speaks love to me when he notices I need something and goes out of his way to do it for me.
- Thank him often for the way that he provides for our family. I also encourage our children to thank him when we go out for dinner. A man could most certainly do the same by thanking his wife for the things she does for the family or for the work she does to bring income into the house. Everyone needs to feel appreciated for the sacrifices they make for their loved ones.
- Never bring up something I am angry or hurt about in the heat of emotion. Instead, I have learned to wait until I calm down, prayed, and chosen forgiveness. How long I wait to speak of it will depend on my emotional maturity and level of humility. I want to wait until I can do it in love and in an attitude of respect. If I can't get there, it will do no good to speak of it anyway.
- Never speak negatively about my husband to others, especially to my children. If I need counsel or a sounding board, I choose my source wisely and make sure it is someone who respects my husband also. I have found I rarely need this when I first take the situation and my own heart to the Lord.
- Pray that the Lord will help me know my husband after the spirit, rather than the flesh. This means that I will look for what God is doing INSIDE of him and THROUGH him, rather than focusing on what my natural eyes see. (2 Corinthians 5:16)
- Be the first to praise him when he accomplishes a goal. This means I have to know what his goals are and pay attention to his efforts to reach them.
- Comment often on how attractive I find him. Everyone knows women need this, but men need it, too!
- Tell him often that if I had it to do all over again, I would still choose him.
Creating the Love Spark, Day 2
Thursday, February 2, 2012
I once heard it said that love is spelled T-I-M-E.
I agree. And I would add that there is no better way to spend your time than in loving someone.
Here is a way to make sure you are spending the right kind of time with your spouse, the time that he or she needs to feel connected to your heart.
T = Today - Have you spent time today with the person you love? A good fifteen to twenty minutes of quiet conversation goes a long way in making sure you are on the same page in life.
I = Intimacy - Have you shared an intimate moment with your spouse in the last week? This could include the bedroom, but doesn't have to. Have you stared into each other's eyes and connected with your spouse on a heart level? Have you shared the intimate thoughts of your soul with one another? Have you communicated your greatest joy or your deepest concern with the person who loves you most?
M = Monthly Date - Have you shared a complete day this past month with your spouse? Have you had fun together, done something you both enjoy, or just stayed home and rested together? Marriages need connection points, and a day together can provide that.
E = Every Year Getaway - Have you gotten away from it all with your spouse during the past year? Every couple needs to invest in their marriage with a weekend (or week long!) trip away from the jobs, the kids, and the responsibilities of home. It will cost money, although it doesn't have to cost a lot to be memorable. It's always worth it.
If you can't answer yes to all of these questions, it's time for a TIME check in your marriage. You make time for what you care about. Care about your marriage.
I agree. And I would add that there is no better way to spend your time than in loving someone.
Here is a way to make sure you are spending the right kind of time with your spouse, the time that he or she needs to feel connected to your heart.
T = Today - Have you spent time today with the person you love? A good fifteen to twenty minutes of quiet conversation goes a long way in making sure you are on the same page in life.
I = Intimacy - Have you shared an intimate moment with your spouse in the last week? This could include the bedroom, but doesn't have to. Have you stared into each other's eyes and connected with your spouse on a heart level? Have you shared the intimate thoughts of your soul with one another? Have you communicated your greatest joy or your deepest concern with the person who loves you most?
M = Monthly Date - Have you shared a complete day this past month with your spouse? Have you had fun together, done something you both enjoy, or just stayed home and rested together? Marriages need connection points, and a day together can provide that.
E = Every Year Getaway - Have you gotten away from it all with your spouse during the past year? Every couple needs to invest in their marriage with a weekend (or week long!) trip away from the jobs, the kids, and the responsibilities of home. It will cost money, although it doesn't have to cost a lot to be memorable. It's always worth it.
If you can't answer yes to all of these questions, it's time for a TIME check in your marriage. You make time for what you care about. Care about your marriage.
Smiles from our last yearly getaway--this time to the beautiful Smoky Mountains in Tennessee.
Creating the Love Spark, Day 1
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Author's Note: For the next fourteen days, leading up to Valentine's Day, Treasure the Ordinary will be featuring writings to inspire love and creativity in your marriage.
My husband and I began writing love letters to each other six years ago. We don't write every week, not even every month, but over the course of six years, we've filled up quite a few pages of a large spiral bound notebook. I decorated the cover after we'd been writing for awhile, wanting the collection of our lover's thoughts to beautifully illustrate what was inside.
But, it's the words that are the important thing. The words that encourage, dream, inspire. The words that remember, cast vision, and cherish.
We simply write when we have something loving to say and leave it for the other to find on his or her pillow, a gift from the heart.
Some pages have quotes that we found that spoke to us.
Some pages have entire sonnets, written from the voices of old.
Some pages have our own attempt at poetry, some rhyming, some free.
Some pages have lists of what we love about the other.
Some pages have pictures pasted on to them, mementos from our dates together.
Some pages have only a few words, or a simple line of thought.
But, all the pages have love on display.
And my heart never fails to skip a beat when I see the journal lying on my side of the bed, waiting to speak his love to me.
Postscript: I recently read a fictional story of a man who wrote a letter to his wife every single Wednesday. Log on to the author's site here to be inspired.
My husband and I began writing love letters to each other six years ago. We don't write every week, not even every month, but over the course of six years, we've filled up quite a few pages of a large spiral bound notebook. I decorated the cover after we'd been writing for awhile, wanting the collection of our lover's thoughts to beautifully illustrate what was inside.
But, it's the words that are the important thing. The words that encourage, dream, inspire. The words that remember, cast vision, and cherish.
We simply write when we have something loving to say and leave it for the other to find on his or her pillow, a gift from the heart.
Some pages have quotes that we found that spoke to us.
Some pages have entire sonnets, written from the voices of old.
Some pages have our own attempt at poetry, some rhyming, some free.
Some pages have lists of what we love about the other.
Some pages have pictures pasted on to them, mementos from our dates together.
Some pages have only a few words, or a simple line of thought.
But, all the pages have love on display.
And my heart never fails to skip a beat when I see the journal lying on my side of the bed, waiting to speak his love to me.
Postscript: I recently read a fictional story of a man who wrote a letter to his wife every single Wednesday. Log on to the author's site here to be inspired.
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